Sticky Songs

Do you have those songs that get in your head and are harder to get rid of than your Uncle Henry after Thanksgiving dinner? It is like a mental skunk spray that just stays and stays and stays until you think of tomato juice to get rid of it. You'd be surprised how well that works. While doing extensive research into this topic by typing “songs that get stuck in your head” on Google and picking a random result I discovered that these are called earworms. That is a cool name that I wish I had thought up. I am going to torture you with songs that get stuck in my head. Some of them are great to walk around singing and others get you odd looks. There is one that almost got me arrested for singing it in the mall at the top of my lungs but we will avoid talking about George Michael's “I Want Your Sex” since I try to keep my blog rated PG13.

The worst of the worst I blame on the now sainted (that is a nice way of saying “dead as roadkill”) Sherry Lewis and Lamb Chop. It is called “The Song That Never Ends”. The words are: “This is the song that never ends. It goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, And they'll continue singing it forever just because... This is the song tha...” That song will never end going through my brain. It gets stuck like Dolly Parton trying to get out of a phone booth. I had a gyro the other day and thought of how amazing the lamb tasted then thought how I had never tried a lamb chop and then thought of Lamb Chop and Sherry Lewis and then thought of the show Lamb Chop's Play-a-long that my kids used to watch and I would get sucked in and then the song came at the end of the show and I was singing about the song that never ends with a pita in my hand.

Another song that will never leave my head is “Eat it!” by Weird Al Yankovick. Never can I hear “Beat It” without my mind changing the words. But then I can get it out of my head by thinking of the words to “I'm Fat” as Al mocks Michael's “I'm Bad”. Then I'll be walking along singing, “You butt is wide. Well mine is too.” The problem is my butt really isn't that big. I'm a middle aged guy who is a decent weight. The old man butt erosion syndrome where the curves of the man's but disappear leaving him with a back with a crack has not started on me yet. But if I sing that near any woman of any age it can lead to pain and suffering the on a level that makes water boarding seem like a kindness.

Virtually any song by Peter Gabriel can get stuck in my head. Not that I'm complaining. I like Peter and really wish he and Phil Collins would reunite with Mike Rutherford and Tony Banks for a Genesis reunion. (If any member of Genesis sees this I'm begging you to please try to make it happen for those of us who miss you.) Even though I like Pete's music when the song “Sledgehammer” get's stuck in your head while you are waiting in line at the security checkpoint at the airport it can get you in trouble. By trouble I mean missing your flight, getting strip searched by a guy named Earl who I'm pretty sure was playing a banjo in Deliverance, and feeling like he should have at least bought you dinner before that.

Now for the cruel songs that you will be singing to yourself after you read this. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the ...” Go ahead. Try not to finish it! I dare you! If you try count on a stroke. It can't be done safely. The nice thing about that song is I don't know much more than that and the weem-a-way part. It does get stuck but there is not a lot to remember. Try this one: “It's fun to stay at the Y M...” Do you feel like wearing a hard hat or headdress when you sing that song? How about “It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a...” Am I making you feel tiny yet? I do know that I am a cruel and evil man making you sing these songs. I do not smoke or do drugs. (I'm like this without any chemical stimulation. Scary, isn't it?) This is my vice. Muahahahahahahahahah!

Well I think I'll stop there before I cause you even more mental and emotional damage. Try not to think about those songs. Really try. “We will, we will, rock...” Muahahahahahahaha!