Who Thought of Eating That?

There are some foods that make sense to eat. Apples and oranges and pears make total sense. They grow on a tree and look tasty. There are some other foods that make you wonder how much alcohol was involved the first time someone tried them. Let's see what will gross us out.

Who was the first one to eat escargot? Seriously, they look like snails. Wait a second. Google translate says escargot means, “Send the stupid rich Americans snails to see if they will eat it.” The French can pack so much in to one word. Someone was looking at a snail and thought, “It is a slug with a shell. I bet that would be tasty!” I tried it once and it tasted like a snail.

Who thought that an oyster looked appetizing? Here we have something that looks like a rock but has a pile of snot inside. Yummy! Having tried them it makes sense why they have cocktail sauce, tartar sauce, hot sauce, horseradish, ketchup, mustard, and lots of crackers. They have no real flavor of their own so you need to spice up the boogers. Some people say you should just tip them up and let them slide down without even chewing them. Mmm-mmm good. A “food” you can swallow and don't even have to taste seems wrong to me for some reason.

Since we are thinking of the ocean who thought of eating a lobster? Don't get me wrong. They are delicious. But every time I look at one in those aquariums at the store – or as I call it Lobster Death Row – I can't help but wonder how hungry was the first person who ate that? “I'm so hungry I could eat a giant sea bug! Oh look! There's one now!” And then they found out they really taste good. My question is why don't we eat land based bugs in fancy restaurants too?

Also, who thought of digging in the dirt to find potatoes, carrots and radishes? Do you know what animals do to that ground? I don't even want to point out (but I will) what bugs do in the soil to spoil and foil your veggie boil. Growing out of the ground is one thing. But these tubers do not see the light of day until they are harvested. I know they taste good but who was the first one to be digging in the dirt and want to try these veggies? It had to be a three-year old out playing showing up with mud on his face and a carrot hanging out of his mouth. When mom saw he didn't drop dead she tried it and – presto – she became the first person to tell everyone how good her eyesight was from eating roots.

This is that point you may want to stop reading. I have already ruined oysters and lobsters for you. Escargot was already ruined so I feel no guilt there. With root veggies you knew what you were getting into. You have been warned! No nasty comments saying I ruined this for you. Who thought it would be a good idea to take all the disgusting parts of the animals we don't even like to think they have, grind them up, add some food coloring and spices and chemicals, and stick them in a bun and call it a hotdog? Really people. Hotdogs are great as long as you don't think about what goes in them. I did warn you.

Now that you are thinking more clearly about your food allow me to invite you over for my famous my venison chili dogs, with fried potatoes and carrots, oyster and lobster salad with radish, escargot dressing. Don't even think about the chili. It even scares me!