The
first and most blatant sin comes in the form of hospital gowns. It
will always remain a mystery to me why you are taken to a place where
you are supposed to heal from physical maladies but subjected to
emotional and mental torture by wearing a garment that seems to have
been designed by perverted sociopaths. Someone has a sick sense of
humor making them so that a well person can't even put them on
easily. Am I the only one who feels like they are begging to be
molested when wearing those? They are wrong!
Another
thing that still makes me wonder after 30 years is leg warmers. For
those of you who do not know what they are I will elaborate. Imagine
someone wearing tights that offer no protection from cold so a new
clothing item was created to keep the much maligned calf area comfy.
They are a basically sleeves for your legs. Yeah. I know. They were
stupid back then too but Olivia Newton John made them look good
somehow. I still remember the day Milton wore them to school. I
shudder with the memory. Personally I blame excessive use of coke and
X for the brain damage that lead to this lunacy. On a related topic
can someone explain the headbands that cover the ears? They just seem
odd to me.
Now for
one that no one wants to talk about but we all are secretly living in
fear of: granny panties! Now I know that you are as concerned by this
as I am. Who thought of these? It must have been sexually frustrated
nuns who did not want anyone else looking sexy either. Have you ever
seen these in the Sears catalog? Even as a hormonal teenager they
didn't do anything for me. Who thinks a pair of undies that can serve
as an emergency rain poncho looks good? I mean really. Ok. Maybe
grannies but no one should wear them prior to retirement. If you are
wearing them right now and do not have an AARP card please go to
Victoria's Secret as soon as possible.
Thank
you for making changes to your wardrobes to get away from these
Abercrombie abominations. Please excuse me while I change out of my
lime green leisure suit and into my paisley sweats.
