Rules That Should Be Gibbs Rules

One of my favorite shows is NCIS. The real one; not the LA one. Abby is adorable in a cute goth kind of way. There is something about a woman who can kill you with a thimble that makes Ziva hot. The writer in me admires McGee and it has nothing to do with the fact that he is the Elf Lord and I am just a Goblin Duke. Tony is both cool and dorky all at the same time which is something I strive for. The dorky part I have down to an art! And then there is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The Fonz could go to Gibbs for cool lessons. Anyone who can make you answer his questions before he even asks them, slap you on the back of the head to reboot your brain and snipe you from 1000 yards is truly a force of nature. Chuck Norris and Gibbs would make a team that could totally dominate the universe!

Gibbs has a series of rule that you must always follow if you want to be on and remain on his team. Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together. Rule #5: You don't waste good. Rule #6: Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness. Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence. Rule #45: Clean up the mess that you make. There are rules that are not in his list but I feel they should be. I have come up with Doug's Rules.

70. Never date a woman who who quotes Meg Ryan from French Kiss. There is nothing wrong with the woman but it's just creepy.
71. Never drive a car that cost more than you're first house unless it's a Tesla.
72. Always have a rubber ducky handy just in case you have to take a bath on a moment's notice.
73. When you wear a Groucho glasses and mustache it does count as a cunning disguise no matter what your kids say between fits of laughter.
74. Make sure you eat five pounds of poppy seeds before your drug test to hide the illegal Twinkie content in your blood.
75. You should never eat chili dogs for breakfast unless you have cheese, onions and a stomach pump.
76. Dating a nurse is dangerous because they have access to drugs that can make your pee turn blue.
77. When eating a Meatball Marinara Subway you are allowed to imagine that you are a subterranean monster that is eating a real New York subway and the meatballs are rolling through the tunnels picking up everything in their path.
78. Never take a knife to an Uzi fight.
79. It is better to give than to receive high blood pressure.

Those are my ten rules that will help you stay ahead of the curve. Even if they don't help you I will still follow them just because they are fun.