But I have learned a few things since I started dating again and want to help those of you who are either just beginning the whole dating scene or are re-entering the dating scene after some time off while wearing a ring. The following is a list of things that may not be the best conversation starters on a first date.
- Have you ever had a colonoscopy? That stuff they make you
drink is amazing! I felt like a Saturn-V rocket trying to get to
moon!
- So to make a long story short, that is why I don't wear
banana hammocks anymore.
- I want to take you to this restaurant that just reopened. I
hear it really improved since that whole salmonella problem.
- Look over there! I know that guy. Sam, this is my date,
Becky. Becky this is Sam, my parole officer.
- Hey, hold on to something. I saw this cool move in one of the
Speedy and Surly movies and I think my Pinto can do it.
- I have a connection to a celebrity. Don't tell anyone but my
second cousin is the brother-in-law to the guy who walks the dogs of
the nurse of the optical surgeon who did Weird Al's lasik.
- Okay, that was me but can you blame me? Those chili dogs had
extra beans!
- I was in a music video, too! I played the guy with the
machete who killed the bus of nuns in Metalmorphosis' video, “Die,
Squirrels! Die!”
If you steer clear of these topics, you should be fine on a first date. One last tip, if the date is going poorly, don't forget to stop for chili dogs.
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