Dancing in the Snow

I looked outside and saw some pretty white flakes coming down out of the sky. A friend of mine suggested I try dancing in that snow. There are two problems with that. It’s not the dancing part. I took dance lessons to learn how to waltz, tango, foxtrot, rumba, cha-cha, and swing dance. Now I can honestly say I have tried all those dances and know ways to look somewhat graceful while stepping on my partner’s feet.

The problems with that suggestion are the friend and the snow. My so-called friend knows how I feel about snow. Snow is an excellent thing for anyone else. Snow and I have a hate/hate relationship. I hate that I hate it. So many of my friend tell me stories about making snowmen and snow angels and snow forts and snowball fights. All I think when I hear that is: “Why would anyone get cold and wet when they can stay inside where it’s warm and have a dry martini?”

But just for the sake of outside the box thinking, let’s suppose someone would want to dance in the snow. Now for me it would require a frontal lobotomy, electric shock therapy and a bottle of spiced rum for that to sound good. But there are people who say that dancing in the snow can be a romantic and passionate experience. True, but so can playing in the surf in Maui and you don’t have to worry about freezing any important appendages. (I was thinking about noses so get your mind out of the gutter.)

After careful consideration and detailed debate of my friend’s advice I have come to a conclusion. Living in upstate New York has caused him to suffer what we in Tennessee call blizzard brain. That is where you have been stuck in the cold and snow so long that your brain has developed a rare form of frostbite that is not visible to the naked eye but is demonstrated by making wild suggestions such as dancing in snow which everyone knows is only done by crazy people in movies. I’m pretty sure they use fake snow in those movies anyway. There is another possibility that seems to have equal validity as we consider why someone would make such an insane suggestion: my friend is evil. That could be it. He is suffering and wants me to suffer as well.

There is no way I’m going to do something as crazy as dancing in the snow. Excuse me while I go play on the swings in the sleet.