Tea Time

It only seems fair to give the other hot morning drink a chance since I snubbed tea in favor of talking about coffee beans that are pooped out by mongooses a couple days ago. In an effort to keep the Earl of Grey from coming across the pond and beating me with tea leaves (I have tried it and it is not as much fun as it sounds) let’s look at all the fun things you can do with tea.

You can drink it hot or cold. You can… ummmm… well… hmmmm. This could be a short blog. I have no clue if tea serves any other purpose. Okay. Let’s see what Google says. Really? Wow! You are not going to believe this! Did you know you can use dry, used green tea leaves to clean musty carpets? I didn’t know that but I should have. There is one spot on my living room carpet that is a musty-free zone where I spilled a cup of green tea six months ago that I am just now getting around to cleaning up. Being an unknowing visionary is fun!

Tea can also be used to polish furniture. That is odd because I spilled my cup of English Breakfast Tea on the couch the other day and it doesn’t look shinier. Hold on. Let me reread that article. My mistake. It was for wooden furniture. There must be wood under the upholstery that is really looking good.

There is also a theory that tea leaves can de-stink kitty litter. I’m not sure how I feel about that. If it can delouse feline feces what is it doing to my digestive system when I drink the stuff? Although, that may explain why my English friend Beth acts like she is so good her poop doesn’t stink. Kind of makes you wonder. I wonder if it will work on my feet, too. Looking down the list… Yep! There it is.

There are also claims that tea can reduce the risk of heart attacks, kidney stones, Parkinson's disease and ovarian cancer. Additionally, it can cure the common cold, tenderize meat, fertilize roses, deworm your dog, teach your parrot the Gettysburg Address, get your kids 34s on their ACTs, and do you taxes for you. Okay, I may have made up a few of those. Everyone knows it doesn’t tenderize meat. Looking… oh wait. Yes it does.