People say that it is fun to play in the snow. People are also brain
damaged from the frostbite of the brain I have discussed in my blog about Dancing in the Snow.
One person even called me a wuss for not wanting to go have a snowball fight.
Please! If you’re gonna call me a wuss, I can give you a list of things that I
am wussy about, but not snow. There is a difference between being a “wuss” and
being “smart enough to stay away from things that will cause you to freeze off important
body parts.” Or maybe I’m the only one who really likes his pinky toe and does
not want to see it turning blue falling off.
There is even a rumor circulating that there are people who let
their noses look like Rudolph leading Santa on a foggy Christmas Eve. If you want
to be outside letting your proboscis become a popsicle that is your insane
choice. I will be inside, sipping a cup of Irish coffee with whipped cream and
a few chocolate sprinkles. Any time you can drink before noon and it is socially
acceptable should be done.
There is something else on my body that comes in pair that cannot
stand the cold either. Yeah, my ears just can’t handle the freezing
temperatures. (What did you think I was writing about? Get your mind out of the
gutter.) There is a theory that I just made up about the effects of cold
temperatures causing the eardrum to feel like one of Tommy Lee’s drum sets
after a Crue concert. It’s not good. When I get stuck outside in the cold for
more than the eight seconds required to dash to my car, I find that my hearing
suffers as a result. Or that is the excuse I use when friends call me to go
sledding.
Don’t you think it is time that we all do the responsible thing
by staying inside with the antifreeze of our choice and enjoy the sights and
sounds of the winter wonderla… OMG! Did you see the snow bunny that just passed
my window? Forget all that! Where’s my snowsuit?
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