Oh Dear…

That is an interesting phrase. “Oh dear, look at that mess!” This is not to be equated with “Yes dear” which is a phrase I have used many times over the years to annoy a few significant others and one insignificant other. Oh dear could have so much impact on a figure of speech that I feel it is worth an entire blog post. There is also the not insignificant fact that I couldn’t think of anything else to write about.

Consider if you will the words “Oh dear” as they leave the lips of a lecherous leech. (I imagine Hugh Grant but you can think of any perverse person who comes to your mind but we both know that Hugh Grant will now be the one you think of thanks to my subtle subliminal signal.) As the cad in question is captured inflagranti in Florida in a Grand Am there is the whispered whine of “Oh dear.” As the wronged one is ready to right the wrong by demonstrating a new use for a crowbar in a place it should never be used to pry open the whisper undergoes a metamorphosis into a scream of “OH DEAR!!!!!”

Perhaps the “Oh dear” is one used to call a loved one from a distance as a term of both loving and leaving. “Oh dear! I’m leaving now.” The proper response is one of, “Thanks for letting me know Honey. See you when you get back!” And as long as we are pretending we are in the 50’s you may want to enjoy some rich, chocolate Ovaltine! More likely these days the response will be a “Whatever,” at best or a “Please don’t come back, you psycho!” at worse. It is amazing what you can do with “Oh dear” isn’t it?

Let us not forget the most important use of “Oh dear” as a way to call venison. Countless hours have been spent in the woods as harried, Harry and hairy hunters have tried this method of attracting 92-point bucks. “Oh dear?! Here dear, dear, dear.” Not being an avid hunter there is no way for me to know if this particular call works. The more popular and better known, “Here ducky, ducky, ducky!” does work at the park where they have been known to molest poodles, park benches, every sidewalk for a three mile radius and my shoes.

“Oh dear! I think I’m out of ideas for these two words.” Sorry. It was a long day and that’s all I’ve got.