Church Chatter

I am always amazed at the conversations that seem to drift my way at church. These dialogues are particularly interesting when these parleying parties are unaware of the presence of another with acute auditory abilities. (I believe that is the technical term for “eaves dropping”.) Did you know that you can learn a lot about the people sitting around you by listening to other people sitting around you?

Jack and Jamie are not getting along very well right now. Apparently Jack’s mother is dating Jamie’s father who divorced Jamie’s mother 23 years ago due to a whole he-said she-said thing about a supposed affair with the cable repair man. Also Jack’s brother, Phil, who works for the cable company has been seen in the company of Pastor Bob’s son, Ricky,  at a bar where they seemed to be more than just fellow members of the outreach committee, if you get my meaning. And Pastor Bob’s daughter, Silvia,  who always wears the shirt with every single button fastened was down in Fort Lauderdale at Spring Break and is on some kind of video out there on the internet. It was Bobby Duncan who discovered it but now everyone wants to know what he was doing looking for something like that anyway. And now Bobby’s mom, Phyllis is ashamed to show her face at church because of her son’s internet activities but we all know it is because she is back on the booze. It is hard to smell it on her cause she drinks vodka and we all know that vodka drinkers drink it because they don’t want people to know they are drinking it. We know this is true because Mable saw a car that looks just like Phyllis’s outside the liquor store when she drove past on her way to Wednesday Morning Bible Study. Oh and did you hear that the members of the Wednesday Morning Bible Study are getting together with the Methodists and having lunch with them. They say that are discussing the same book of the Bible but we all know it is because Sue has been seeing that Jacob from over there and this gives them an excuse to eat together in public! That Jacob is no good because his uncle was Harlan Wilson who went to jail for that involuntary manslaughter case 13 years ago. I also heard that Harlan is related to Jamie in some distant way. And if Jack’s mom and Jamie’s dad get married that will mean that Jack and Jamie will be step-brother and sister! Imagine the scandal!

Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our pews.