The Cost of Caring

One of my favorite scenes from any movie ever is from The Fugitive. Harrison Ford is standing on the edge of a long drop with a gun toting Tommy Lee Jones behind him. Harrison’s character, Dr. Richard Kimball, said, “I didn’t kill my wife!” The reply from Jones’ U. S. Marshall character was, “I don’t care.” In the end of the movie it turns out that he did. Sorry to ruin it if you haven’t seen it. The few times in my life I’ve tried on the phrase, “I don’t care” it has never seemed to feel right coming out of my mouth.

On the show House the characters of House and Wilson once sniped at each other: Wilson whined: "Be yourself: cold, uncaring, distant" to which House harassed: "Please, don't put me on a pedestal." But even House showed occasional lapses of judgment and showed his kind, caring, compassionate side which was usually followed by a innuendo at Cutty’s expense. Caring is something that so many people don’t know how to do or at least do well. There are a lot of people out there like these fictional characters.

But caring can cost you. There are risks. The chance that is taken leaves you open to all kinds of vulnerability. If you care you run the risk of having that caring rejected, refused or get run over by someone who doesn’t care. That running over can take the form of the other using and abusing that caring for their own needs and then tossing you out like last week’s sushi. That can be very painful and frustrating when you give yourself to someone else and offer a caring supporting gesture which they take and take and never appreciate and then they ignore you when you need help and even ignore and ostracize you for not being strong. Not that I have even experienced that.

That being said, there is something that makes all the caring and hurts that come with it all worthwhile. When we care we are able to help someone who is hurting do to an unforeseen situation, an accident or the actions of an uncaring other. We get to be the one who helps being healing to the hurting and loving to the unloved. We are the ones who are the people who pay it forward not out of the expectation of return on investment but in an investment in the future. Consider to ripple effect we can have as we care for those in need and they in turn care for a couple more who care for a couple more who care for a couple more and it continues on and on and on. You see how it works? Now not every time will be a winner but the ones that are will keep us caring as we continue on.

As high as the costs caring may be there is a flip side to not caring. The cost of not caring is even greater since one becomes cold and distant. The whole concept of standing outside the fire and not even living a life is so alien to my way of thinking that I have chosen to risk it. I don’t want to be a robotic recluse who cares only about himself. So what if I get hurt once in a while or daily? Who cares if caring makes me easy prey to the uncaring? The cost of caring is nothing compared to the rewards and the cost of uncaring is great compared to what is lost.