The Wave – Part One

There are all kinds of waves out there these days. There are the waves of the hands that say, “Hi there! How are you today? You look very nice in your lime green jogging suit. Where can I get one in chartreuse?” There are the waves at the ocean that are both friendly boosts to the body surfer and heinous hell to the condos on the beach during a tropical storm. Then there is the wave at the sporting event that makes me stand up every time it comes around so that I cannot enjoy my beer, braut, candy, popcorn, nachos with jalapenos and all the other food that would make my cardiologist have a cardiac catastrophe. Let’s look at how these waves play a part in life.

While driving the other day I took the opportunity to be the nice guy and let someone in traffic. This is something I do frequently because it is the right thing to do. You are driving along and see someone trying to get over and your heart goes out to the other poor individual who is not a fortunate as you who is traveling a high rate of speed with the wind blowing through your hair. You slow down to allow them the totally undeserved grace to enter your lane of traffic at great personal risk due to the 63,487 people who are riding your bumper wanting to get where they are going as fast as possible even though it is not your fault they left late. They enter your lane of traffic and all the thanks you require is the wave. You know the one I’m talking about. It is just a little hand in the air that doesn’t even have to move back and forth – even though it would be nice. That is all it takes. Doesn’t it feel great when you see that sign of gratitude? Doesn’t it make you wanna help another person who is struggling the way you were? Doesn’t it give you that warm feeling inside that is not unlike the feeling you get after eating a double beef burrito from Taco Bell?

But woe to you ungrateful person who does not have the courtesy to raise a hand in thanks to your unknown benefactor.  There are some things that are beyond contempt. The list includes puppy beaters, people who rob grandmas, charity fund embezzlers, politicians and people who won’t take the time it takes to raise a hand in thanks after I let them in traffic! Yes I do have issues but that is not the point. I agree wholeheartedly with that great philosopher, Jeff Foxworthy, who said that for people who fail to give you the wave it should be perfectly legal to get up under them, get them loose, and put them into the wall. I like the way he thinks. Personally I’m a little more passive aggressive than Jeff. My preference is following them to their destination and putting a note on their windshield while they are in Wal-Mart that says, “May all your hard drives be filled with nothing but Another One Rides the Bus by Weird Al, may your milk go sour, may your sour cream turn sweet, may your children date people just like you were at that age, and may the fleas of a thousand alpacas infest your arms pits. Next time wave when someone lets you in traffic.” But that is just me.

There are other waves out there but I just don’t feel like writing about them because this is what was on my mind when I first wanted to write about waves. Now I need to think about oceans for the next post. Hmmmm… have you ever waved back at the ocean?