Saying Things

In my life recently I have had some major highs and some major lows. Work is going well. Friendships are helping and happy. Family is doing great. My boys are the most important people in my life and they are awesome in spite of an odd dad. 

There is one thing that is on my mind though. When I mess up I admit my mistakes and try to make amends. Sometimes I do a good job and make the relationship stronger. Other times my screw up is too monumental to overcome. Once in a while I have no clue what happened and whether I am supposed to apologize or not. Those get on my nerves a bit because I don't want to apologize for something I didn't do but I also don't want to hurt someone else when I have done something wrong. That is the catch-22 situation that makes me lose sleep at night.

I am trying to figure out if I am the good guy who occasionally is bad or the bad guy who occasionally is good. All of us are somewhere in the middle. Whether I am good or evil - and honestly it depends on the day - there is one thing that does make me a little crazy. If I hurt someone I want to make amends. What do you do when it is impossible to do that? The only thing that I can think of is to do the best I can and let the other people live with the fact that they don't want me to make amends. For me that is sad. I hate losing friends but sometimes it just is inevitable.

That brings me to the topic of saying things. I don't understand why I am often encouraged to say bad things about others. Not agreeing with someone is no reason to say something that will cause them pain. There have been times over the years when people have trusted me with their personal secrets and then when something stressed the relationship they worry that I will betray them. The failing of the friendship shows me that they never really knew me at all. For me it doesn't matter what is said about me by others. They can have their own opinions. They can have the bad taste to not like me. Others can call me names or call my character into question. That is their right. But I find that the best defense is silence. To quote the wisdom of the 80's in the words of the Go-Gos, "Our lips are sealed." Maybe we can learn something from 80's girl bands after all.