A friend of mine commented that I sometimes have an unusual way
of looking at things. That comment was quite offensive to me since that person
has never spent time looking at the world the way I do. If they had taken the
time to carefully consider my perspective on the issues of the day, the word “sometimes”
would have been replaces by “always”.
Since we are on the topic of painful words, it is high time the
topic of the politics entered into our discussion. My dearly departed daddy
told me never to discuss religion, politics or women. Since I have already
broken two of those rules, I felt it was time to annoy the politically savvy
amongst my blog readers. I’m sure both of you will be suitably offended by the
time you finish this blog.
Let me go on record by telling you that I am a liberal
conservative. Or is that a conservative liberal? Maybe a green constitutional libertarian?
To be honest, like many of Generation-X, I am a registered, card-carrying independent.
Granted, the card I carry is my Kroger discount card, but I carry it
everywhere. When it comes time to vote, I go online and research each
candidate, discovering where they stand on the key issues of the day. Looking
at each candidate on the internet is a great source of information because we
all know that there is never anything spin-doctored or misleading on a politician’s
website. Simple truth: I find the one that annoys me the least and vote for
them. Failing that, I do own a dartboard.
Knowing that my opinion about politics in general has been veiled
among my deep thoughts, allow me to clarify. I am not a disenfranchised voter. You
have to be franchised in the first place and that is not something for me.
Looking at the word “politics”, can you blame me? Divide it up. “Poly” means
many. “Tics” are blood sucking insects. Strangely appropriate words when you break
it down, don’t you think?
Many of my politically active friends have called me names like “fence-sitter”,
“non-conformist”, “lazy”, and “Bob”. In the past, I have thanked them for their
accurate observations. “Bob” was given to me while discussing politics at the
lake as I would go underwater when something was discussed that I found boring.
That was the weekend I almost drowned.
Well, the time has come to take a stand since I have finally
discovered something that I believe in and I am tired of holding my breath at
the lake. It is with great pleasure that I announce the formation of a new political
party: The Wine and Cheese Party. Our platform will be centered on the drinking
of wine without the slightest judgment of others. We will be open to the wine
enthusiast (snobs) and the wine guzzlers (slobs). You can be a drinker of sweet
wines (no-pallet), semi-sweet wines (some-pallet) or dry wines
(too-much-pallet). The red wine drinkers (rosy-lipped) will enjoy their
fermented grape juice alongside the white wine drinkers (pucker-lipped). All
will be welcomed.
Our debates will function with the following format: 1. Any
member is allowed to state his or her opinion on any topic that is relevant to
the party. 2. After considering the statement over a full glass of wine,
another member can either agree or disagree by making a statement either for or
against the topic. 3. Everyone must then drink another glass of wine while
considered the statement made by the second person. Cheese is recommended on a
nice sesame cracker at this point. 4. Another point can be made at as the
glasses are refilled about the first person’s topic, the second person’s
statement, or the quality of the brie. 5. Another glass of wine is consumed
while eating more cheese. 6. By this point, everyone who has had four glasses
of wine agrees that everyone else is right and that we need to use this method
for the Middle East Peace Talks.
Our first meeting will be held at a winery as soon as I can find
one with an auditorium, a sound system, and a wide variety of wine choices. It
may take a while. There is a lot of free tasting… I mean prep work… involved in
finding just the right place.
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