Reasons to Elope

It has been my pleasure to sit and watch my best friend and his bride to be go through the joy of wedding preparation. By joy I mean I am enjoying watching them loose there ever-loving minds! It is hilarious! Here is a couple who are so lovey-dovey I want to get tested for diabetes after hanging around them for 3 minutes; yet the pressure and stress of a seating chart is s true test for their love. They agreed with me that eloping is a really good idea other than the possibility of the death threats from the little old church ladies – they make Dana Carvey's Saturday Night Live act seem like a documentary – who are more excited about the wedding than the marriage. My friends are more excited about the honeymoon and the marriage. It is my responsibility to make sure that these kinds of trials and tribulations are not fostered upon other hapless victims. Although I may question your sanity, if you really want to get married here are the reasons to elope.

1. You will never forget being married by a one eyed Jewish Baptist Elvis impersonator in Vegas while you will never remember a word the preacher says.
2. The convenience of being married in a drive through marriage booth also means you can get fries with that.
3. Your parents are going to be mad about something that happens at the wedding that is so totally pointless as to be funny so you may as well tick them off by running away and giving them something to really be mad about.
4. The bride's father will pay you well to avoid having to pay for the whole thing.
5. Marriage is a gamble anyway so may as well shoot some craps after getting married. You may want to roll the dice before it to make sure fate really wants you to do this. “Gimma a seven! Baby needs a wedding ring!”
6. The bride will not swear like a sailor about wedding details. She will save that for when she looses at poker.
7. The phrases “seating chart”, “flower girl”, “ring bearer”, “tuxedo rental”, and “drunkin organist” really don't play a role.
8. You can spend $69,359 on a wedding that is over in a day or you go on a 3 week Mediterranean cruise for a lot less and have more fun for the honeymoon.
9. Since you invite people you really don't know as a favor to your parents you may as well go someplace where you don't know anyone anyway and buy a round of drinks after which they will be your wedding party.
10. One word: Antidisestabilishmentarianism. No clue if it has anything to do with eloping but it sounded good.

I hope these will help you in you anit-wedding planning. I plan on doing a Dollywood wedding if I ever loose my mind and want to get remarried. They have this cute little wedding chapel between these two big mountains there.