The Pool

I live in a nice townhouse in a nice apartment complex with a couple really nice pools. Floating around in the pool wearing some sunscreen and relaxing is one of my favorite summertime pastimes. Here are some helpful tips to keep you out of trouble at an apartment pool.

• Do not go there to stare at the opposite sex because that will give you a reputation as the pool pervert...unless you are wearing really good sunglasses.
• Those no diving signs are there for you own good because a swan dive in a 4 foot deep pool just doesn't work...unless you can land on someone cute.
• Ordering a pizza to be delivered at the pool is a great way to make new friends...unless you have beer which  works better!
• Always ask the age of the girl to whom you offer a beer because bikinis are worn by all ages...unless they are the age when they really shouldn't be wearing a bikini anymore then don't even ask and looking may not be the best idea either.
• Lap swimming is considered rude in a pool that is only 15 feet across...unless someone wants the jacuzzi effect in which case you need to do the butterfly stroke.
• Just because they are obnoxious brats you do not have the right to hold them under water until they stop being bratty...unless their parents aren't watching.
• Do not flirt with anyone close to the age of your teenage son...unless they are hot as Barney Stinson would say.
• Always accept a beer from a babe...unless it is already opened and you have been staring at her.

I hope these summer suggestions help you have fun in the sun without getting in too much trouble...unless you want some trouble.