Blogger's Block

There are times when you sit down at the computer and you are blessed with what Steven King once referred to as diarrhea of the word processor. The words just flow from the fingers in a smooth way that makes it seem like they will never end. As I look at those last two sentences even I am a little grossed out by the analogy but don't want to be the only one uncomfortable so I am gonna share it with you! Don't thank me. It is the least I can do.

There are other times when it is more like constipation of the word processor when you just can't get anything out. I call it blogger's block! Looking at all the random thoughts that have spewed forth from me you wouldn't think I ever get blocked up. It happens. Sometimes I'm just too pooped out to try. Other times my brain just gets foggy and I close up. Then there are the times when I just want to read or watch a movie instead of writing something deep, profound, thought provoking or mentally stimulating. An argument could be made that I have watched a lot of movies because the stuff I write falls into the “mildly amusing after a few drinks” category instead of the aforementioned intellectual material.

For those of you who suffer from bloggers block I have come up with a few suggestions to help get the creative cacophony careening through the cranium.

• Go to WalMart and look around. The stories write themselves!
• Walk backwards through the whole foods store with our clothes on backwards so it looks like your going forwards just to see if that makes you stand out from the hemp hauling hippies.
• Eat foods that only begin with the letter R until you get creative again to force yourself to write due to the fact you hate ratatouille, rutabagas, rhubarb and Redbull every meal.
• Sing answers to all questions as if you were Pavarotti in Rigoletto and make sure you sing in Italian just to mess with people's minds. They tend to stop asking you questions rather quickly.
• Finish every sentence with the phrase, “until linear time as we know it has come to an end to be replaced with a spiral time flow.”
• Use a computer to speak for you in the same voice used by Stephen Hawking and insist that it makes you sound smarter.
• Drive a Volt through every Exxon and BP you see and make faces at them.
• Give your kids all the sugar and caffeine they can ingest and then send them to your ex. (O.K. That doesn't help with creativity but it is really fun!!)
• Read from Dante's Paradiso while claiming that all should be honored to be in your presence since that is as close to paradiso on earth that they will ever get.
• Duck when people throw things at you for doing any and all of the above suggestions.

I truly hope this helps any of you blocked bloggers out there. If this doesn't help may I suggest more fiber in your diet?