She's My Best Friend's Girl

My buddy Brian and I have a lot in common. We both went to the same grad school. We both got married within a week of each other. We both got divorced about the same time. We are both grateful that we are not married to the ones we divorced. We both have off the wall, Jim Carryish insane, George Carlin on acid type of humor. And we both think his girlfriend is really hot!

I'm not telling you anything he doesn't know. He agrees with me. She is! The real question that everyone is asking, "How the BLEEP did that happen?" Even he is asking that question! (He gave me the BLEEP line as I was writing!) We have come up with several theories that I feel I should share with you so that they next time you see a couple that reminds you of Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovette or Brian and Christine, you will have a few one liners to use.

• She must be doing community service for her tie-dying kittens offense.
• Her lasik didn't take! 
• Laughter is more important than looks.
• She should never have volunteered for to be at the top of that cheerleading pyramid in high school. She never recovered from the subdural hematoma!
• She likes big shoes and big gloves!
• But he is butt ugly... I mean really nice.
• Short and chubby is what turns her on!
• She was bounced on her head from a third story nuclear reactor in an attempt to create a new super hero as a baby.
• Kindness to strange men is her super power.
• There is an evil plot afoot that makes all the really hot women fall for the really dorky guys caused by a synthetic retro virus designed in a secret lab in the sub basement of MIT's genetic research consortium.
• One word: hypnosis!

I hope these will help you as much as they help me. Well I hope they help you much more than they help me because I still don't know how the BLEEP he got her and she is still my best friend's girl.