Monday, October 10, 2011

WalMartians!

I’m sure you have seen the people of WalMart website. What? You haven’t? Where have you been and what cyber-rock have you been under. You’ve gotta see this! http://www.peopleofwalmart.com. Go ahead. Click on it. This blog will still be here when you get back!

Here is a new idea for a reality show – What Not to Wear in WalMart. Imagine if you will two fashion designers trying to decide how to tell some of these poor brain-dead individuals that there is something wrong with size 38 thongs in Daisy Dukes while strolling down the frozen food section comparing prices on tater tots. “Oh sweetie! Please don’t ever wear that again! You shouldn’t even wear that in private! Right Rita?” “Oh absolutely, Andre! And what were you thinking wearing green plaid with orange stripes?” Sadly, the episode would end there with Betty Sue calling Billy Bob over to Rita and Andre to duct tape them down and beat them to death with wire hangers and hiding the bodies in the bed of the F-150 under the beer cans.

Being a single guy I have an excuse for not wearing the right things all the time – I’M A SINGLE GUY! But even I look at some of this stuff and wonder, “Do they really think that looks good?” This coming from the man who has Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny and Cow ties in his closet. (Sadly, I am not making that up!) But come on people! No shoes. No shirt. No problem! That seems to be the way of thinking.

People watching is a hobby of mine. Take a look at someone and make up a story about them. You can do it. I will pick a random person and make them into something I wish they would be. Imagine a man wearing a leather jacket and blue jeans. Now to you this may look like a man wearing a leather jacket and blue jeans. To me he is a Lithuanian spy who has infiltrated the Ku Klux Klan in an attempt to steal nuclear secrets to fight the lecherous Lithuanians license lords (the Lithuanian version of the DMV.) The master spy has discovered that he may be better served by infiltrating into the most evil, criminal empire in the United States – Congress!

People watching in WalMart takes half the fun out it for me. It takes absolutely no creativity to come up with a story for these people. “He got dressed in the dark.” “She is stuck in the 80s.” “That couple had a shared stroke!” Please help me here people. My mind needs a challenge to channel all my creativity into something productive. At least make it so I have to think a little bit!

Just kidding. Go ahead and wear what you want. I need the laughs!

1 comment:

  1. I love it!!! A great topic........however did you come up with it? :)

    ReplyDelete

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