Dognostics

One of my favorite jokes asks the question: What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do? He sits up all night and wonders if there really is a dog. Yes I know it is a bad joke. Haven’t you read any of my stuff? They all are!

I have become a dognostic. There are too many people out there who think their dogs are smarter than a fifth grader. One of my friends is convinced his dog can talk. He may be right because I have listened to his dog and it is more comprehensible than my comrade courtesy of cultured Tennessee tenor to his tone of voice. Yet comparing a pooch to a pal is not fair. Besides the dog likes hockey and I cannot understand that no matter the language.

Another amigo is astounded by the amazing activity of his Akita. Now please understand that my friend is from my great home state of Texas. In keeping with the culture of bigger and better he may be prone to ever so slight exaggeration from time to time. By “ever so slight exaggeration from time to time” I mean that he lies through his teeth; but only when his lips are moving. All that aside I’m sure that this domesticated dog has the ability to fetch, sit, stay and play dead at the sound of a gunshot. However, I draw the line at believing this canine can catch a careening compact disc and place it in a player and hit play. Please! The dog spit alone would be enough to short out the Playstation on which he is purportedly playing the Pretenders.

You all need to follow my example and accept the simple fact that my dog is better, smarter and cuter than yours. Once you realize that my dog can sit, stay, lay down, catch treats flipped off her nose and will wait till you say, “That’ll do” before eating the treat sitting right beside her, far better than yours I think you will be far more humble. Just remember, you may think your dog is smarter than a fifth grader but mine has a master’s degree from MUT!