Seeing Things That Aren’t There

You may find this hard to believe based on some of the things I have written but I’ve never done illegal or not prescribed drugs. Really! I am twisted enough on oxygen without adding anything else to it. I vaguely remember one time when I was prescribed Xanax . That was some seriously good stuff. Alprazolam would have made a great band name. They would have been stoned out of their minds and played really mellow music while watching the walls melt. There was one time when I took some Tylenol 3 and found that codeine has an unwanted effect on me. It makes me mean. I’m not talking about having an off day and being rude. I’m talking about cold blooded, dog kicking, nun beating, failing to return the video kind of meanness that would make Attila say, “Chill out, dude.” After those experiences I think that this is best that I stayed clean and mostly sober.

Trying to imagine what I’d be like now had I burned out brain cells is a scary thing. There is a t-shirt that says, “I know the voices aren’t real but they have some pretty good ideas!” There are no voices in my head but ideas do just pop in my head from seemingly nowhere.  The kind of humor that makes me laugh is a bit off too. I like an eclectic combination of humor from Monty Python to Douglas Adams to Dave Barry to Jeff Foxworthy to Jeff Dunham to Steven Wright with a dash of the cerebral George Carlin. I try to combine those humorists to have a style all my own. If that is successful then it will be something that will blow your mind or at least cause an aneurism. That may explain what happened to me now that I think about it.

With all my delusions of mediocrity it should surprise no one that I see things differently than most people. The ability to look at something through a prism and then turn your head sideways to look at again and then stand on your head to look at it while whistling the disco version of Beethoven’s 5^th is truly a fun way to think. Ok. Sometimes I whistle “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard but you get the idea. That’s how my mind works. I take something normal and put it through my filters to see things that aren’t there. How does your mind work?