Beauty is Only Skin Deep

There is a figure of speech that says: “Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes straight to the core.” It has been my pleasure to meet some of the most beautiful people I have ever encountered in the past few months. It has also been my displeasure to encounter some of the ugliest people in my life in the past few years. The strangest thing is that the way each of these people look has absolutely nothing to do with beauty or ugliness. One of these ugly people was in my own mirror. Perhaps this is part of the learning process.

Five years ago I was much more shallow that I am now. Making my decisions about people based on how they looked was a common occurrence. Priding myself on my ability to read people allowed my arrogance to trump my good sense because I could see people who treated others poorly but would still choose to like and trust them because they were nice to me. I heard the axiom that the person who is nice to you but not nice to the person who waits on you at the restaurant is not a nice person. I didn’t understand it until now. Becoming the person to whom they were less than kind was an eye opening experience. Perhaps this is all part of growing up and maturing.

Four years ago you could find me laughing at the jokes made at the expense of someone else because I thought they were beneath me. Pride and prejudice were more than the words of the title of novel by Jane Austen. They described me to a tee. If someone failed and fell, my laughter could be heard with the others who were looking down their noses at the one who was seen as misbegotten and moronic. The person whom I had become was not the person I wanted and needed to be. He was just playing a part that was expected of him. He was cruel. He was ugly. Perhaps this was the most painful part of the growing process because I was about to be pruned.

Two years ago saw everything change. Going from the one who was laughing to the one who was laughed at was a rude awakening. Falling from the perceived state of grace was rough tumble. In fact the golden boy that was seen by others and myself turned out to be merely gold plating over a very tarnished lead. That lead was sinking fast and there was no one to stop it. The list of mistakes, errors, blunders and outright sins would make for some spicy and humiliating reading. It is sufficient to say that I was finally being shown who I was and who I had become. Those I trusted were shown to be false. Some whom I loved betrayed that love. Even I was not a good friend to myself. Perhaps this was needed so that I could rebuild from rock bottom.

Looking back at the past seven months has seen a major metamorphosis in my life. There is no way I can say I’m becoming a beautiful butterfly. I know that is not true. I’m not even sure the chrysalis from which I’m almost ready to emerge will even show a moth. There is one thing I do now know about this transformation that is occurring in my life. There is no way I’m going back to be like I was before. The person I used to be was not even likable if you really knew him. I want to be like the man I was 20 years ago before I let the things of this world and the wrong people have such a negative effect on my life. Perhaps this is the beginning of something great in my life.

The best part for me is the future. It is time for me to do something that is more difficult that anything I have ever done. This is something I have never done before. It is not easy. It is not part of my nature. It goes against almost everything I have ever believed and done about myself. It is time – and I write this with fear and trepidation – to forgive myself. Forgiving others has not always been easy but the past two years have taught me much about that. Forgiving myself has always been something that has eluded me. I was still holding onto things from grade school! The past is gone. I have told people over the years that it is arrogant to hold onto things that even God has already forgiven. Now I need to listen to my own advice. I forgive me.

It is time to forgive and not remember it again. Forgetting is an accident and passive. Not remembering is intentional and active. I am now choosing to not throw things from my past in my own face anymore. The monumental mistakes and bountiful blunders are now taboo subjects because they are no more. That is the nice thing about the past. It is gone. So are my salacious sins. New life is mine. Forgiveness from God has always been there. Forgiveness from me is something new. It feels very good. For the first time in a couple decades I will be beautiful.

Church Chatter

I am always amazed at the conversations that seem to drift my way at church. These dialogues are particularly interesting when these parleying parties are unaware of the presence of another with acute auditory abilities. (I believe that is the technical term for “eaves dropping”.) Did you know that you can learn a lot about the people sitting around you by listening to other people sitting around you?

Jack and Jamie are not getting along very well right now. Apparently Jack’s mother is dating Jamie’s father who divorced Jamie’s mother 23 years ago due to a whole he-said she-said thing about a supposed affair with the cable repair man. Also Jack’s brother, Phil, who works for the cable company has been seen in the company of Pastor Bob’s son, Ricky,  at a bar where they seemed to be more than just fellow members of the outreach committee, if you get my meaning. And Pastor Bob’s daughter, Silvia,  who always wears the shirt with every single button fastened was down in Fort Lauderdale at Spring Break and is on some kind of video out there on the internet. It was Bobby Duncan who discovered it but now everyone wants to know what he was doing looking for something like that anyway. And now Bobby’s mom, Phyllis is ashamed to show her face at church because of her son’s internet activities but we all know it is because she is back on the booze. It is hard to smell it on her cause she drinks vodka and we all know that vodka drinkers drink it because they don’t want people to know they are drinking it. We know this is true because Mable saw a car that looks just like Phyllis’s outside the liquor store when she drove past on her way to Wednesday Morning Bible Study. Oh and did you hear that the members of the Wednesday Morning Bible Study are getting together with the Methodists and having lunch with them. They say that are discussing the same book of the Bible but we all know it is because Sue has been seeing that Jacob from over there and this gives them an excuse to eat together in public! That Jacob is no good because his uncle was Harlan Wilson who went to jail for that involuntary manslaughter case 13 years ago. I also heard that Harlan is related to Jamie in some distant way. And if Jack’s mom and Jamie’s dad get married that will mean that Jack and Jamie will be step-brother and sister! Imagine the scandal!

Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our pews.

What Do You Want?

That is a good question, isn’t it? What do you want? If you could have anything at all what would it be? I know the wish I’d wish if it was offered. The wish fulfilled granting me the grace of gratuities from my poured out pants pockets would be perfect. The thought of always having enough to pay the piper makes me smile. But wanting money is rather shallow. The Bible does not say money is the root of all evil no matter how many people have misquoted it. It does say the LOVE of money is A root of ALL KINDS of evil. But who needs to be so picky about a few little words that change the whole meaning of the phrase? Do you really want to be rich? Honestly I wouldn’t mind it and right now I think I’d gladly trade the worries of wealth over the problems of poverty. But I don’t think that is what I want.

If you are anything like me you will find gastronomy to be a great gratifier of getting. The foods we eat and the beverages we drink can be a great source of pleasure, pain or both! It is so easy to let your stomach become a Shiva that both creates and destroys auspicious abdomens. There is more to life than the next meal. That being said I really would like a nice expensive rib eye on the grill now that the weather is getting nice. That would be good with some snow peas and a twice baked potato with bacon and sour cream with a nice chocolate mousse with real chipped cream for dessert. But I digress. There is more to life than that… I think.

How about the love of another? Falling in love involves the enhanced secretion of b-Phenylethylamine. This natural drug creates an euphoric high and helps obscure the failings and shortcomings of the potential mate. Such oblivion - perceiving only the  good sides while discarding the bad ones - is a pathology akin to the primitive psychological defense mechanism known as "splitting". But then again it feels SOOOOO good! Who cares about all the techno babble? It is that feeling of love that so many of us want more than other things. As much as I love b-Phenylethylamine that is not what I want the most.

Perhaps it is the luxurious licentiousness of a Lamborghini that is your heart’s desire. The ride along the road as your Rambler rides like a rocket on rails is something to relish. Perhaps you are more of an Aston Martin kind of man, Mr. Bond. Cars are a creative confluence of testosterone and even estrogen in a few women I’ve met. But I’ll stick with my Nissan Frontier for now since I don’t feel the need to display my masculinity in motorized mayhem and will continue to feel that way until I can afford to buy a Tesla.

The real thing that everyone wants but few people realize is peace. The Hebrew word for hello and goodbye is shalom. It roughly translates as “peace be with you.” I want shalom! And I want it right now!! But something tells me it doesn’t work that way. That peace that goes beyond understanding is what we all want. It is worth more than money. There is greater value in peace than love or sex. It gives a greater rush than a Dodge Viper. (Not sure if it is better than a Tesla but it just might be.) But peace is something that seems to be fluid – not static. Peace can be with you one day and the next be as hard to hold onto as phantom flagman, a London fog or a pizza on the free day on The Biggest Loser.

The real secret to peace is not in the grasping and groping for it greedily. If we let go of the greed and gluttony for the greatest gratifications and accept the situations that have sat upon us then we will find that peace finds us. Like the butterfly that lands on the lover who lies in the lilies peace will be placed on the penitent with a penchant for passivity.  For me it is time to let go of the greed and let the peace grab me. Want to join me?

Playing With Other’s Words

You may find this difficult to believe based on the serious and sober nature of most of the things I write, but I do have – let’s be kind – and unusual, offbeat, ever so lightly skewed sense of humor. Don’t try to argue with me. I know it’s true. (I didn’t notice anyone arguing. You could have as least said, “No! Really?!” That silence hurt!)

One of my gifts (at least I call it a gift) is the ability to play off of what other people say. I have actually heard people refer to this talent as something other than a gift, but what does my family know about real humor! Using something someone else has innocently said and turning it around to make it into a joke is a beautiful thing to behold. Take the example of someone saying, “What a nice day it is outside.” You would think that such an innocent phrase would not lend itself to a humorous response. Normally you’d be right. I mean, come on, how’s a person supposed to maintain a reputation as a sarcastic conversationalist if that is all you give him to work with. Some people can be so insensitive to the needs of others.

A phrase like the nice day comment requires excessive creativity to turn it into something useful. A phrase like: “I heard it is supposed to rain later. The forecaster said it was going to rain cats and dogs. Don’t step in a poodle.” Ha, ha, you think to yourself. What a witty response that was. Too bad I heard it in third grade. O.K. That one was a little lame. But seriously, who are you trying to please? Others? If you wanted to do that you wouldn’t be making jokes at their expense. You are really trying to amuse yourself so you won’t go crazy and go postal on people who don’t like your sense of humor. Of course I would never do that. (I like to call it going FedEx. It’s like postal but a lot faster.)

Now if you are in a meeting, that is where the fun begins. Sometimes all you need to do is raise an eyebrow and smile a knowing, slightly sardonic smile at anything that is said. That alone can get you a couple of laughs or at least a chuckle. The beauty of the smile-eyebrow combo is that someone else does all the work. They think you know what they think is funny when you really don’t think they have a sense of humor or that they can even think. It is perfect.

The meetings themselves give even a mildly creative person loads of potential material if they can time it just right. It is all in the timing as Gary, my fencing instructor, told me after stabbing me forty-six times in a row! Allow me to elaborate by giving an actual example from a meeting I attended. The meeting had begun and one of my fellow attendees says, “I hope this meeting will be over before lunch.” My comment was, “It shouldn’t last much longer than the last ice age.” It was pretty funny. It would have been even funnier if I’d have said it right after the person said it instead of three days later when we were both in the restroom. Although it did have an affect on him, it was not the laughter I had hoped for.

You see there are ways to win friends and influence people with just a little bit of wit and sarcasm. The next time you have the chance to make a dry comment on something someone else says, give it a try and let me know how it goes. If they laugh, I’ll be more than willing to steal you joke and use it on everyone I see.

Sitting in the Dark

Here I am spending the evening sitting in the dark. It is so quiet. It is so peaceful. It is so boring. Sometimes you just need to unplug and get away from it all. The silence is golden. Have you ever noticed that silence is not always … well... silent. There are tiny noises. The breathing and whimpers of my dog, Reo, in the other room who was chasing a rabbit in her sleep came to my ears. A creak and groan of either the poltergeist in the attic or the house settling make it through the fog of silence that had settled. Now there comes the sound of the breeze outside on tonight of all nights adding to the eerie atmosphere. We never have a breeze around here! Why tonight?

Determination sets in and I am committed to seeing this through. I do not need to turn on the lights. The dark is nothing but dark. There is no need to be frightened of the dark. Now the creepy, crawly critters who want to crunch on me that are in the dark may be a cause for concern! What was that? I will not turn on the light!! I’m a grown man and there is nothing to be… HOLY BLEEP! It’s got me!!! HEEEEELP!! Oh. Hi Reo. What are you doing over here? Thought you were sleeping in the laundry room. Yes, I’m glad to see you. Yes, I’ll let you outside to go to the bathroom. No. I'm fine. I don’t need to go anymore. Thanks for that!

Ok. Enough of the darkness. Time to light a candle for ambiance. The light flickering of the flame creates shadows dancing on the walls. And now the mind begins to … WHAT WAS THAT?! Ok Reo. That’s twice. Yes I’ll let you in but don’t scratch so loud next time. My heart can’t handle it! You are coming in here with me where I can see you! Why are you looking at me with a look of fear? I’m not going to hurt you. How can a dog have an expression that says, “Dude, why do you look like you’re in a slasher movie and can I please go hide under the bed?”

Ok. That’s it. Tomorrow I’m paying the electric bill. I don’t like it in the dark!

Ever Have One of those Days?

Ever Have One of those Days?

There used to be a prized t-shirt in my cacophonous collection of clothing that simply stated: Some people are having one of those days but I’m having one of those lives! At the time I didn’t see that funny philosophy as prophetic but now I am giving it some serious thought. 

Back in my youth I remember a series of jokes in the “You know it’s gonna be a bad day…” series. Some eloquent examples include: You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you want to wear the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any. You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2. You know it’s gonna be a bad day when that funny tasting toothpaste was Preparation-H. You know it’s gonna be a bad day when there are 43 messages on your answering machine and the first one starts with, “Dude, I didn’t know that one person could do that!”

Those kinds of things definitely lead you to one of those days. Then there are those phone calls from the ex saying, “We need to talk…” or the nurse calling you saying, “The doctor would like you back in the office right now.” But sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest impact on the day. Waking up with a pain in the neck can make you be a pain in the … ahhhh… neck … yeah neck… to others. The terrible tumultuous traffic can turn you into the terrible teammate. The fight or flight from the femme fatale in your faction may lead you to fight to make others take flight.

Just remember, we chose the kind of day and life we have. Some of the most positive people I know have been through the least positive positions in the lives. And some of the most pessimistic people have nothing to be perturbed about. Are you gonna let it be a bad day or are you gonna laugh at the bad day around you?

Sorry it's been so long...

Yes I know it has been a long time since I posted. I am getting going again. My thoughts have been flowing from my frontal lobe but I just haven't been good at putting them to paper... or screen. Get ready. There is a lot coming your way!