An Interview With Tone

I was sitting in my kitchen, editing New Fallen, when I looked up and saw Tone sitting there making faces at me. For most of you, a person from a book appearing next to you would be a little disconcerting, to say the least. For me, it’s just another day at the office. I decided to interview him since he was distracting me from getting any real work done. What was I thinking?

Doug: Hey, Tone. How are you doing today?

Tone:  Well, I’m gassy if you really need to know.

Doug: I already knew that. (gag, gasp, turning green)

Tone:  I’d say sorry, but you know better. That is a very cool shade of green you’re turning. Is that chartreuse or more of a seafoam?

Doug: No more chili dogs for you! (cough, cough)

Tone:  Like you could stop me. So am I going to be heroic in the new book? Do I get the girl? I’m going to save the day again, right? Do I get to fart a lot?

Doug: Well, there is a farting scene.

Tone:  Cha-ching! I really don’t care about all that other stuff. Farting! Farting! Farting!

Doug: Uh, yeah. So, what is the best part of being in the Spiritscape? Is it the beauty? The grandeur? The excitement?

Tone:  I get to fly butt first.

Doug: Butt first? Not the amber-hued mountains? Not the battles with demons?

Tone:  Nope. I guess that stuff is okay. But there is nothing like the Spiritscape on your butt to make you feel alive. It’s better than a really good poop!

Doug: Poop? Really, Tone?

Tone:  Hey, you made me up. Don’t blame me. Think about it. I get to say anything that crosses your messed-up mind! All those stories I get to tell about my childhood are really things that happened to…

Doug: On another topic, what is it like working with Zeke.

Tone:  Hold on. Let me get out my cue cards. Ehem. Working with Zeke is a great pleasure. He is always …psst. What’s that word?

Doug: Professional

Tone:  Yeah. He is always professional and loves a good joke… Do I really have to say this next part?

Doug: This is your interview. Say whatever you want.

Tone:  Really? Cool!

Doug: Oh crap.

Tone:  Here’s the deal. He is too cool for words and he has loosened up a lot in New Fallen. I think there is something going on between Zekey and Arino. Let me just say, I caught them making googley eyes at each other several times. It was cute in a make-me-wanna-puke kind of way.

Doug: Zeke and Arino? Really?

Tone:  Dude, you wrote it. Why are you acting surprised?

Doug: Just trying to be a good interviewer.

Tone:  Yeah. About that, stick to writing fiction. So, what do you have in mind for me in the next book? Superpowers? Turn me into an angel? Give me my own pudding-filled hot tub?

Doug: Well, the next book is going to be called Demonize. You are going to meet up with some old enemies.

Tone:  Demonize? Is that the best you can do? Okay. I guess it works. So when are you going to start on it?

Doug: Who is interviewing who here?

Tone:  I’m interviewing you, now. Answer the question before I’m forced to fill your head with images of me dressed up like a belly dancer wearing nothing but bologna in strategic spots.

Doug: NO! Not that! Please, I need the brain cells that would destroy. I’ll start on Demonize as soon as I finish Reunion and Interpol.

Tone:  Okaaaay, that doesn’t work for me. You need to start on it tomorrow. Here is an image of me belly dancing.

Doug: AAAAAARRRRGGGG!

Tone:  So when are you starting it?

Doug: Today! Today! Just no more!!

Tone:  Thank you. Now, about my love life…

That was when I passed out.