Airport Apparel – Part One

Some time ago I had the astonishing opportunity to sit around an airport for what seemed like three weeks. Really it was only three hours; but those of you who’ve had a long layover know what I’m talking about. You can only make so many laps around the terminal before you are arrested in this post-911 world. When the TSA agents started pointing at me and murmuring into walkie-talkies that was my cue to sit back and have a refreshing adult beverage and try to read my book. Normally this would be no problem. Beer and a Patrick McManus book is as close to heaven on earth that can be achieved while sitting in an airport waiting for your next flight. Then my ADD kicked into high gear.

This time I have to say it wasn’t my fault…mostly. I was sitting outside the airport “lounge” when I was distracted. By the way, the only people I ever see lounging in these airport BARS are people who have had too many mojitos while jet lagged. Anyway, I was sitting there, minding my own business or at least minding my book, when a flash of fabric caught my eye. It was one of those shear blouses like Bridget Jones wore to catch Hugh Grants eye. Of course I averted my eyes. I cannot be blamed if the blouse happened to be moving in the same direction as my averting eyes. It was at this point that I noticed that this shear blouse was the only upper apparel being worn! That would have been even more to my amazement had it been on someone of the female persuasion. Alas, it was not meant to be. The guy did manage to pull off the look as well as any guy could.  

My book was set aside for the actual flight as I began a casual course of people perusal. Honestly, I was looking for the most interesting people I could see. Dressed as I was in black jeans and my Benjamin Franklin beer t-shirt, I felt fairly nondescript. I faded into the woodwork – or metal-work at this airport – and began to make mental notes of the most curiously dressed of all the passersby.

They fit into four categories. The first is what I affectionately refer to as “Those Whom I Didn’t Even Notice.” They were a lot like me. They were wearing something that was appropriate. To be honest, most of the people fit into this category. I would glance at the millions milling past and not even notice the dull, drab and dreary decor they dared to don. If you were one of those people, I apologize for not noticing your nondescript nature; however, I wouldn’t have even noticed myself.

The other three categories are where it gets interesting. The second I named the “Over Dressed.” The third group is for those who were “Under Dressed.” And then there was the fourth which will have to be called “Nearly Dressed.” Tune in next time those who look way too good to be crammed into an airplane.