Airport Apparel – Part Four

"Those Whom I Didn’t Even Notice”, the “Over Dressed” and the “Under Dressed” have all had the chance to be characterized. Now we need to notice those who want to be noticed so much that they forget to finish getting dressed so they fit in the category of the “Nearly Dressed”. Being a red-blooded American man, I do have to admit that I do notice the ladies who dress for sex-ess. I usually don’t spend time looking for those who are dressed like they are going out to pick up men, but sometimes there are situations that cannot be ignored.

Let me start by saying that I am glad I don’t have daughters. They would have to wear turtlenecks and loose-fitting jeans until they were an age where they wouldn’t look good in anything skimpier. For those of you who have daughters, you have my sympathy. The styles that the young and young at heart wear today are interesting, intriguing, and invisible in some situations. If you remember back in part one, the incident that got me started watching people was a shear blouse on a man. I never saw a shear blouse on a woman that day, but there were a few fashion faux pas that are worthy of comment.

The one that caught my ear was a conversation between a young woman and a young man.

The part that I heard was, “Nope. Just this dress, a thong and sandals.” The word “thong” caught my ear. I am always amazed that some people still call flip-flops thongs and wondered why she twice referred to her footwear. As soon as I found the couple in question, I realized they were discussing her attire. Apparently the man was thinking that this should be on “What Not To Wear.” The woman was just amused and tormenting the poor guy. I can verify the thin white dress was backless and her sandals were quite fetching although they were not thongs. I can’t believe that guy got so upset over the fact she can’t properly identify her shoes.

The next nearly undressed person I saw was sort of wearing a type of tube top. Now this tube top had a cord that went around the back of the neck to help hold it in place. Don’t misunderstand my critique. I have nothing against tube tops. In some venues, like NASCAR races, they are the recognized and required uniform for female fans. Some women can make a tube top work. Others are not able to make a tub top function right. This young woman was truly blessed in a couple of areas. That particular blessing made a cute little tube top a little too little to cover the essentials. It just didn’t work for me. She had to pull up the offending article a total of fourteen times from the time she entered my field of vision to the time she left. O.K. Maybe it was closer to four. But you’ve got to admit that is one pull every four seconds. Perhaps a tube top with built in underwear, with an under wire, and several other gravity defying feats of engineering that would make Howard Hughes proud, would be a bit more appropriate.

There were also several proudly plunging necklines all around as many displayed cleavage that could not possibly be natural. That’s right. These were all man-made fabrics that obviously do not stand up to the rigors of everyday wear and tear, and had begun to disintegrate near the top center of these shirts. I don’t think we can blame these poor unfortunate women for this questionable quality.

Now that I have shared with you the inappropriate airport apparel I hope that has enlightened you for future flights. Even if it hasn’t help you, I had fun watching all of them.