Kidney Stones

My friend Renee suggested I write about kidney stones. My first thought was that I have no firsthand experience (THANK YOU GOD) with kidney stones. What would I possibly write that would be helpful to you, dear reader, on this delicate and sensitive topic? Nothing! So I decided to be indelicate and insensitive and make jokes about it.

Now I have met many people who have had to pass these problematic pebbles. One woman said that is was worse than child birth! THAT is hard to believe but I will take her word for it because I don’t want to try to pass one and will never have baby. You know if it were up to men to have the babies I don’t think we would have to worry about that whole overpopulation problem. Extinction would be the new concern!

Another man claimed that the pain was worse than the wound that wound up in a purple heart in Vietnam. Really? Come on!! A tiny little grain of sand like that hurt worse than that bayonet of Charlie? He claimed that the knife was quick and clean while the kidney boulder (his phrase) just took its own sweet time and cause suffering that seemed to last longer than the war.

For those of you who think that kidney stones affect only those who are unfortunate enough to experience them first hand allow me to share a story with you. A Halloween party was planned for a great group of people. The costumes had been selected with great care from the bargain bin at Kmart. My costume was perfect. It was to be a vampire in more of a traditional Bela Lugosi than Bella and Edward. But sadly the party was cancelled due to the hostess being inflicted with a kidney stone. The real tragedy was … it is so hard to write this as I remember the suffering … that I had … prepare yourself for the graphic nature of this … a rash on my forehead from the makeup I tried on!

Can we all agree that kidney stones are something that should be avoided at all costs due to the pain and suffering they inflict not only on those who actually have them but on those of us who… wait a second… why does it feel like I am about to pee a bowling ball?