Painting

Paint has always been interesting to me. Ok. No it hasn’t. It is about as interesting as watching paint dry. Oh wait a sec. It IS just as interesting as watching paint dry. But I have found a new way to paint that is truly exciting! It involves rollers and paint brushes and family and drama and lives in danger. It is a rollercoaster of rollers and bungee jump of brushes.

Today we painted the living room. Starting off with you on the edge of your seat, isn’t it? One of us – not to point fingers but it wasn’t me – had gone to the store to discover options for our painting possibilities. The parade of paint swatches were examined in painstaking detail. And I mean PAINstaking detail. It hurt! Lots! Was it going to be Sand Trap or Sand Stone or Sharon Stone? Ok. Sharon Stone wasn’t really an option but I’d rather look at her than a bunch of colors that all look the same to me. How can someone say they like one hue over another hue? I am a fan of Hughes. Hugh Grant, Hugh Heffner and Hugh Laurie are all on my list of top Hughes. Sand Pit or whatever it was would not make the grade.

I know what you’re thinking. “How could this get any more exciting? My heart can’t take much more of this!” It gets better. First the paint guy at the store couldn’t be found. Then the lady who came over to help had extensive training and detailed knowledge … of the lingerie section. The air head nature of this little lady was so great that she had a tattoo behind her ear that said “Inflate to 25 PSI.” She was a good person but had never even seen a paint can and had no clue what she was doing. Bless her heart!( In Tennessee you can say anything you want about anyone you want and end it with “Bless their heart” and it’s all good. “She was the meanest, cold bloodedest, evil little troll to ever to show her disgraceful face in this county. Bless her heart.”

Well we finally got all the paint and after three tries 25 PSI got it right. We went back to the house, taped things up and began the process of painting over my ex’s hard work. She had faux finished so much of the house! And now it was going bye-bye. Nothing left. All gone. We did it! Got rid of those nasty reminders not for the sake of my mental health – which it helped immensely – but so we could sell the house easier.

Now you are probably feeling cheated right now aren’t you? I promised drama, life and death struggles, and a roller coaster of rollers. Now I need you to go back and reread this and where you see “us” or “we” substitute “my ex and I.” Need I say more?