My heart is heavy as I dictate this to my blog. Her name was Sarah
Jane Smith. She passed away after a short illness. It was my dubious
honor to be in charge of her estate. In the attic was a trunk with
reams of paper that had articles she had written about some traveling
adventures she had with a man she only refers to as the Doctor. It
seems to be some kind of fiction she was writing since we all know
that we have limited space travel in the 21st Century and
time travel is still considered improbable. It is strange that
someone known for her investigative reporting and detail oriented
facts could be so creative and come up with these stories.
She had several essays on things like Martians, some kind of
man-robot cyborgs and another things she describes as five foot tall
dustbins with rounded tops and death rays. I even found one about the
Loch Ness Monster. My brother would love that one. But there is one
that looks like it was just a series of notes that she hadn't worked
into a real story yet. I'm thinking she had a bit of a crush on this
man she had created in her head because she was wondering if he wears
boxer or briefs. Kind of odd to have a crush on a figment of your
imagination but who I am to judge? I think Lara Croft is hot.
It turns out she created this character to look different instead
of dying. She called it reconstruction or something like that. It
also seems like each time he changed, his personality totally changed
as well. That is rather clever. It appears as though she has created
eleven different personalities of this Doctor. Each one had a very
distinctive style and personae.
The first one appears to be oldest. He is cranky and curmudgeonly
and is the traditional boxers kind of guy. The second one is a bit of
clown who looks like a tramp in a fur coat. She says this one wears
briefs but they ride up a bit making him run funny. The third
incarnation of this Doctor is a dandy. Sarah has a little bit of a
kinky side because she says he wears a frilly ruff that is actually
the top of his full body bloomers. Okay, that one is a little bit of
an overshare. Now the next one is the fourth personality of this
Doctor who she describes as wearing a long multicolored scarf and
has a rather manic look in his eyes that is attributed to the fact
that he goes commando instead of wearing any underwear at all. Okay,
I take it back. THAT was the overshare – not the bloomers.
It seems that Sarah wanted the next one to be even younger because
this one wore a stalk of celery on his lapel and bikini briefs under
his trousers except when he played cricket and then he wore a
jockstrap. Now this sixth version of the Doctor seems angrier than
the last few. Miss Smith attributes that to being frustrated with a
curly perm, a headache from too many colors in his coat, and trying
to wear the same bikini briefs he had on before but they were way too
tight and cut off circulation to important appendages. The seventh
Doctor was the big surprise. It seems he was a middle aged version of
the doctor with an question mark kind of umbrella and had a quirky,
secretive smile that was due in part to the thong underwear he always
wore. You know there are some things you really do not want to know.
Now the eighth Doctor identity had an American kind of influence and
wore red full body underwear but always kept the flap open for some
reason. Sarah didn't say way but she put a smiley face in the margins
for some unknown reason.
Now Miss Smith had a note about this ninth version of her Doctor
character wearing mesh see through boxers. Her comment in the margins
was: “That would be a sight to see.” She did remember that this a
character she made up, right? Then again, Lady Croft in those shorts.
Yowzah! Anyway, the tenth guy is the first one to wear boxer briefs
due to his tenacity to run around and needing the extra support.
Finally, the last one wears a kind of stretchy trunk that has the
Union Jack on the bum and the word “River” on the front. What
kind of river runs through there? Maybe it's from some song I don't
know.
I wonder who else she wrote about. Give me time and I'll share
what else I discover in the trunk. It almost seems like it's bigger
on the inside because no matter how many stories I pull out of here
there seems like there is even more. Be right back. Some joker but a
blue box on my patio. Those darned kids are at it again.
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